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Potential Strip Club Job and Shopping

February 23, 2017
Me: I  have NO friends! I just want people who will want to hang out with me,
you know be my person. This such a lonely world, why does no one love me?
Friends: Hey, let’s go shopping and hang out 😃
ME:
I swear I have good intentions but every time I am faced with outside, where the people
and friends go to do things like, be friendly, I freak the fuck out.
Shout out to all the friends who put up with my shit and keep asking me to
do things with them, you da real MVP!!!
Guess what though, I know you’re guessing right now….
I DID IT!!!!
I went outside and went shopping, with a person who was not my husband.
With someone who could potentially witness my arm pit sweat and me crying
because I couldn’t fit a pair of jeans, or because I got a funny feeling and think
that possibly we should leave immediately leave and go sage the car.
Not only did I do this, I did it TWICE!!!
I am currently waiting for my indoor parade where there will be confetti and glitter
and some nice people to clean up the mess because, no.
Now of course there’s got to be a story behind this because we know…
  1. This couldn’t have been planned because I would have surely made up some excuse to get out of going because that’s what I do.
  2. It had to have been some kind of trickery or something….hmmmmm
So this is what happened.
Chaurice and I were talking early in the morning through Facebook messenger because, no I don’t answer the phone, don’t call me…seriously, stop calling.
Chaurice: Let’s go to the mall…
Me: Today? ( She didn’t catch the “How I Met Your Mother” reference.)
Chaurice: Yea, right now.
Me: Okay! ( Can’t get out of it I already yes to it…right now…today)
Chaurice: We should go to Houston or something like that.
Me: (searching for my anxiety medication) Hell yea, let’s do it!
Chaurice: See you in an hour!
The conversation didn’t go exactly like that but it was pretty similar.
I laid next to D and was like…I am going to the mall with Chaurice
and I’m not sure where we are going to the mall at…in an hour.
D: You should probably start getting dressed.
30 minutes later, I was jumping in the shower feeling pretty relaxed (yay kolonipin)
and I got done on time and everything.
I was feeling pretty bad ass so I adopted the mantra
“I am going with the flow” this is what I was to live by for the whole day.
The cards said it was good idea, and I feel like my guides and my alphabet were on board.
I didn’t have to drive, or spend money, since I didn’t have any so basically I didn’t have to think,
all I had to do was to appear a little normal and I was in there to normal land!
GO ME!!!
So, she picks me up, I grab my things….my medication mainly and my earphones just in
case I needed to check out. Chaurice decides we are going to head to Baton Rouge…3 hour drive.
Cool.
On the way we decide Lafayette would be the best decision because I was falling asleep, and
it was a boring drive.
We arrive at the mall and you guys….
EVERYTHING was on sale…..
At this point I decided that I didn’t really need any food and I was going to shop…and try on clothes…
Y’all I HAD SO MUCH FUCKING FUN!!!
Look at my loot
and I got one of the children some stuff as well, yay, because wow they need clothes.
I tried on some lipsense lipstick, ummm a whole bunch of yes on that and the lady
was SO nice!!! ( I did a live on this but not on my page so I can’t share it, sigh)
We had planned to stop by a metaphysical store but after all the trying on and shopping
it closed, bummer.
It was on the way home that “Go with the flow” really came to life.
Chaurice: We should work at a bar.
Me: We totally should! We would be so good at that!
I call a friend locally that I know who works at a bar…like the only club/bar that I know of
in this tiny town…anyway she says they aren’t hiring.
Darn.
Chaurice, decides that we should just go to the bar anyway and see for ourselves.
Okay, I say and go along with this.
On the way to said bar we see a huge sign, it was a beacon of light from heaven on high,
I am lying, it was a strip club sign…..IT WAS A SIGN.
Chaurice: That’s a strip club I think, strip clubs have waitresses….we could totally be
waitresses at a strip club!
Me: OMG yes we can!!!
Chaurice: Let’s just go over and ask.
Me: Go with the flow is all the way activated We so should!
At this point she drives over there and asks the two guys if they are hiring, guess what, they totally are!
Told you it was a sign.
So we talk to the guy, total sweet heart, fill out an application, get our ID photo copied,
swear we have no felonies or warrants, and promise to finish the bar liquor exam ( still haven’t completed mine).
Next thing you know we are having a margarita at the bar and getting the deets on the uniform.
Soooo, I might be a waitress at a strip club come Tuesday. He told me to call in Monday to check.
Chaurice starts this Monday.
ps. At the time of this posting, Thursday, I still haven’t called them back…..
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2 Comments

  • Maryanne

    Yay for people-ing! The bar liquor exam isn’t hard at all- promise!

    February 23, 2017 at 5:53 pm Reply
  • Alana

    ❤❤❤

    February 23, 2017 at 10:49 pm Reply
  • Leave a Reply