You know how when you’re little your mom tells you not to ask for anything or you will die?
I have never used this tactic on my kids *cough*
This frightening tactic is supposed to keep you from acting a complete fool when your mom says no, which will ultimately upset the life balance of whatever errand.
It’s true, mothers don’t have time for your shit.
So anyway, there’s a thing that I do before we leave so I don’t act a fool, or upset the life balance of errands…it goes something like….
“No matter how much I cry, fake faint, or complain of diarrhea I have to do _____ (insert whatever horrible peopley thing). Whatever you do, you must make me do it because it’s VERY important that we get this done.”
D, then looks over at me with a smirk and says, “Okay.”
Why do I do this? I regret this every single time…
This is why I have spent the last 15 minutes promising D that I will do an aerial act of fellatio as I spin and throw glitter while cooking dinner, AND I’ll clean up.
Every juicy tantalizing carrot I dangle in front of him he only responds with “we’re going to the store”.
I think that these bribes would work so much better if I actually did them at least 50% of the time, right now I’m at like 3%.
Some might call me a little flakey…
God, WHY???? WHY do we HAVE to go to the grocery store??? Look, I know for a fact that a certain know it all book, *The Bible*, talks about food falling from the sky.
I think I deserve that kind of service.
There are so many people in grocery stores and I have to walk and
look for things AND…
not forget to look at my list AND…
look at prices and ingredients AND…
I could possibly fall and die,
plus zombies, …
did I mention I have horrible OCD and anxiety and like a whole alphabet????
GEEZUS, please be a personal shopping delivery service.
Twenty-five minutes max in the tundra temperature store and I got like 2% of the items on the list but at least I didn’t have to stay long, YAS!!!
PS. D’s kryptonite is THE cold….